മറയൽ: അവൻ തിരിഞ്ഞു നോക്കാതെ മറഞ്ഞപ്പോൾ
After the light comes the darkness. After the bubble of divine bliss comes the most painful part of the twin flame journey – the disappearance.
On November 11, 2022, in Aluva, I experienced 50 years of happiness in one day. My soul recognized its other half. I thought my search of a lifetime was over.
I was wrong. The search was just beginning in a new form.
Days after that meeting, he disappeared. He hid. He refused to turn and look at me. And the more he pulled away, the more I held on with all my strength. That is the story of 2023, the year that broke me completely.
When The Runner Runs
In every twin flame connection, there is a runner and a chaser. In our journey, he became the runner, and I became the chaser.
After that powerful soul recognition, the energy became too intense for him. Remember, he was young, only 15 years old in 2022, from North India, living in Kerala. He was not spiritually awakened. He did not have words for what had happened in that shop. All he knew was that there was a strange, powerful energy coming from me that scared him.
So he did what any unawakened runner does – he ran. He started avoiding me. He would hide when he saw me. If our eyes met accidentally, he would immediately look away and never look back. That turning away without looking back – that was the most painful thing. Because my soul had just found its home, and that home was refusing to open the door.
I still remember standing there, my heart wide open, radiating that powerful light, and watching him walk away without a single backward glance. That walk destroyed me.
Why do twin flames run? It is not because they do not feel the connection. It is because they feel it too much. Understanding the twin flame runner and chaser dynamic
The Agony of Holding On
What does a chaser do when the runner runs? He chases. With force.
That was my biggest mistake in 2023, and it is the mistake almost every chaser makes.
I could not understand why he was running. My logic said: “If this love is so pure, so divine, so true, why is he hiding? I must show him more love. I must hold him more tightly. I must not let him go.”
So I held on. Physically, emotionally, energetically. I found reasons to be where he was. I tried to make him see. I used all my strength to hold on to a connection that seemed to be slipping away.
I was suffocating him with my love, and I did not even know it.
This is the dark truth of the chasing energy – it comes from fear, not from love. I was not holding him out of love. I was holding him out of the fear of abandonment. That 11-year-old boy inside me who had been lonely since childhood was terrified. “I finally found someone, and he is leaving too.”
The more I held on with force, the more he needed to run to breathe. It became a toxic dance. I would chase, he would run. I would try to talk, he would become silent. I would show more light, he would hide deeper in the dark.
By mid-2023, I was exhausted. The 50 years of happiness I felt in Aluva had turned into a pain that felt like it was gripping my bones. I described it as “asthiyil pidicha vedana” – a pain that holds the bone. It was not just emotional. It was physical, spiritual, existential.
The Lesson Hidden in The Disappearance
Today, in 2026, I understand what was happening in 2023. And if you are in this stage now, please listen to this carefully, because this understanding will save your life.
His disappearance was not a rejection. It was a divine intervention.
His turning away without looking back was not cruelty. It was a mirror showing me my own lack of self-love. I was forcing him to look at me, but I had never truly looked at myself.
His hiding was not because he did not love me. It was because the universe needed me to stop looking outside for love and start looking inside.
The twin flame journey is not a romantic love story where you chase someone until they love you back. It is a spiritual journey where the other person is used as a trigger to awaken you. His running was the trigger. My chasing was the wound that needed to be healed.
I was trying to hold on to him with physical force, but what the universe wanted was for me to hold on to myself. I was begging him to turn and look at me, but what my own soul was begging for was for me to turn and look at my own wounds.
Every time he hid, my abandonment wound was triggered. Every time he refused to look back, my childhood loneliness was triggered. He was not creating the pain. He was revealing the pain that had been inside me since I was 11 years old.
Why We Forcefully Hold On
We hold on forcefully because we think if we let go, we will lose everything. But in the twin flame journey, the opposite is true. When you hold on forcefully, you lose yourself. When you let go, you find yourself.
In 2023, I lost myself completely. I forgot my work, my life, my purpose. I lived only for one person. I walked behind him, forgetting my own path. I destroyed my own life, thinking I was saving our connection.
That is what unconscious chasing does. It makes you abandon yourself to avoid being abandoned by your twin.
The psychology of anxious attachment explains why we cling even more tightly when we feel someone pulling away. The science behind anxious attachment and chasing
If you are reading this and you are in the chasing energy right now – constantly checking his social media, finding reasons to meet, feeling your breath stop when he ignores you – I want you to know I have been there. I know that bone-gripping pain.
But I also want to tell you: His disappearance is your greatest gift.
It is in his disappearance that you will find your appearance. It is in his silence that you will hear your own soul. It is when he refuses to look back at you that you will finally learn to look at yourself.
In November 2023, exactly one year after we met, our separation became official. We parted. He left. And I was left alone, broken, but finally ready to ask the real question: Not “Why did he leave?” but “Why did I abandon myself?”
That question would change everything in 2024. It would lead me to YouTube, to the angels who teach about twin flames, to inner work, to meditation, to journaling.
But first, I had to go through the complete hell of 2023. I had to experience the full force of disappearance, of being turned away from, of forcefully holding on until my hands bled.
If you are in that hell today, know this – the night is darkest before the dawn. His disappearance is not the end of your love story. It is the beginning of your love story with yourself.
2022 നവംബർ 11 ന് ആലുവയിൽ ആദ്യ കാഴ്ചയ്ക്ക് ശേഷം സംഭവിച്ചതാണ് ഈ പോസ്റ്റിന്റെ വിഷയം. വെളിച്ചത്തിന് ശേഷം വന്ന ഇരുട്ട്. എന്റെ ട്വിൻ ഫ്ലെയിം എന്നിൽ നിന്ന് മറഞ്ഞതും, തിരിഞ്ഞു നോക്കാതെ നടന്നകന്നതും, ഞാൻ ബലമായി പിടിച്ചു നിർത്താൻ ശ്രമിച്ചതും. 2023 മുഴുവൻ ഞാൻ ഒരു ചെസാർ ആയി മാറിയ വർഷമാണ്. അസ്ഥിയിൽ പിടിച്ച വേദന അനുഭവിച്ച വർഷം. ഇന്ന് തിരിഞ്ഞു നോക്കുമ്പോൾ മനസ്സിലാകുന്നു, അവന്റെ ഓട്ടം നിരസിക്കൽ ആയിരുന്നില്ല, മറിച്ച് എന്നെ ഉണർത്താനുള്ള ദൈവികമായ ഇടപെടലായിരുന്നു. ചെസാർ ആയി ഇരിക്കുന്നവർക്ക് വേണ്ടി എഴുതുന്നതാണ്.
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